I Was Kidnapped By Lovesick Pirates
by radioactive edelweiss
Summary: 1700's AU pirates!fic, human names used. Two tales of revenge that bring about unfortunate consequences and many other happy ones. usuk, france/canada, sufin, and many many others


This would have been my nanowrimo if I had been less of a lazy bum and more of a dedicated writer...urgh

I want to finish it, hopefully before this time next year

Disclaimer: me owns nothing

* * *

"YOU" pant "YOU GIVE ME BACK MY CREW YOU BLOODY WINO!"  
Captain Kirkland leant slightly against the doorframe to catch his breath, while still trying to keep the little dignity he had left. The man across the room and behind a beautifully ornate desk laughed without any respect for the poor captain's self-esteem

He hollered out loudly when the Captain's only remaining crew member, assistant, and love interest bumped into him and sent them both sprawling on the wooden floor  
"Honestly, Rosbif, keep that up and I'll give you back your people in no time"  
Arthur was as red as his coat, partly because of the raw anger directed at Francis, partly because of the humiliation in front of his crush, of all people  
And also partly because he hadn't run so fast in a long time, but that he'd never admit

Now, insulting Francis would get them nowhere and he really needed his crew back before any of the other pirates found out...otherwise he'd be the laughing stock and that's for sure...  
"What do you want?" he spat out  
"Why, your body, of course!"  
Defying the laws of blushing, the youngest Kirkland brother went even redder  
It was a well known fact that Francis and himself had been...how to put it... close before. But to make an allusion to those times long gone when Gabrielle was present...  
Not that he was sure she cared  
"Hmph, no, as lovely as you might be I was actually looking for something else" The blond rose from his chair,  
"Surely you know Admiral David Jones"  
"With such a name who could forget him..." the other blond muttered  
"Anyway" Francis walked to the window, behind him, his fingers toying with the tassel that held the curtains open "He had two sons with two different women. One of them he gave his last name, one of them he did not. I'm looking for Matthieu Williams, the last thing I knew of him was that he was working in his father's household. I want you to bring him to me"

The Frenchman motioned them to follow him out of his study and onto the ship's deck, pointing to some small row-boats that could fit four people at most  
"You'll take mademoiselle with you. No buts no excuses, no nothing. I want you back by" a glance at his watch "noon tomorrow. Now, go! allez, vite!"  
A mandatory slap to Arthur's butt and he was gone

Gabrielle was sure her Captain would have lost all his teeth by his fourties if he kept on grinding them like that. The girl from Seychelles wondered sometimes why she had agreed to join them, they rarely got anything done. Though it was true that when they did go plundering and ransacking and all that piratey stuff they wreaked immense havoc among the seas. But that was once a blue moon, after the old captain had retired and left the ship to his first-mate...well... the seventeen-year-old did have the spirit, sometimes, but he seemed to enjoy more the 'getting drunk' part of the business. She wasn't being fair to him, she decided, he'd taken command a mere two months before and had already managed to get himself into trouble.

"You didn't introduce me to your friend" she helped him untie the boat from the deck, the captain appeared to have choked on his own spit and took a few deep breaths to recover, a faint blush still dusting his cheeks  
"That frog doesn't need an introduction" he tried to make his voice sound stern, but it was of no use, he'd never be able to speak to her with that tone  
"He was pretty cute, too"  
Cue more spluttering

----

They had been rowing for quite a while before landing near the port. The plan was simple, sneak into the admiral's manor, go to the servants' sleeping quarters, kidnap Matthew. What could possibly go wrong?

They took a few hours to plan. Sitting on the beach, twig in hand, they developed a plan where Arthur would bravely face the security guards while Gabrielle snuck behind them. It was her idea, but the other thought it was absolutely perfect

They borrowed rope from some merchants and took a perfectly fine potato sack someone had mindlessly dumped on the road. The manor was on the top of a hill, not tall enough to tower over the town, but at the perfect height to overlook the village while still not being steep enough to discourage a pair of goons from kidnapping the youngest child of admiral David Jones.

To their surprise, the household lived outside the perimeter of the manor, where there was minor security. They didn't even bother to snatch appropriate clothing, no one questioned why they were there. The sleeping quarters were two separate houses, a couple storeys high with immaculate white walls and brick red roof tiles, despite their clean appearance the road that ran in between was everything but. With every step a small cloud of dust rose and clung to their off-white socks.

It wasn't difficult to enter the men's dormitories, they didn't even have the need to intimidate anyone into giving answers. And to complete such a wonderful day, the rooms bore the names of their inhabitants on the door. Honestly, that was being too easy.  
They found Matthew folding a pair of pants over his bed, the blond had been at first confused to see them, and asked if they were to be staying with the household, too, but he wasn't too happy when they grabbed him by the arms and proceeded to drag him out of the room. He started flailing and possibly broke Arthur's nose, judging from the unmanly shriek he gave. On Arthur's defence, it was a mighty hard knuckle-joint that broke his nose

Matthew took the opportunity to point at the poor captain and laugh, saying how he was much better than those losers and that he, as a hero, had to be better than the bad guys, because that's how it always went. He also made a short victory dance.  
While Arthur lunged at the teenager, Gabrielle uncorked the little bottle containing ether they had taken with them. She dunked half of the bottle's contents over a neatly embroidered handkerchief the captain had given her randomly last week (despite his claims that it was store-bought, she was more than certain he had made it himself) and then the piece of cloth went over the younger blond's nose and mouth. He quickly fell asleep and they stuffed him inside the potato sack and half dragged half carried him to where they had left the pathetic little row-boat on the shore.

----

"That's not him"

The Frenchman in front of them pointed accusingly at the blond tied down to a chair, Gabrielle had a look of resignation on her pretty face while her captain was shaking with something akin to restrained anger

They were back on Francis's study, after having spent a restless night taking turns watching their prisoner complain and tell them how they wouldn't get away with it because he was a hero and as soon as they even blinked he'd free himself and hit them over the head for being such brutes. Going against her self-imposed rule of non-violence, Gabrielle had stuffed the gag back into his mouth.  
The fact remains that they had been kept awake for a long part of the night by the squirming of some random blond they thought had been their target.

"That's not him, _c'est pas mon Mathieu, je veux mon Mathieu_" Francis had to shake the other blond a bit so he'd snap out of their stupor

"What the devil do we do with him, then?"

There hours later they were dumping the bound blond back where they had first found him, they were considerate pirates, after all. Somehow they got their hands on the real Matthew this time, and by the time they took him to Francis, a bit past midnight, the elder blond seemed all too happy to return the crew of the Artemis back to her newly-appointed captain

Peachy

And Gabrielle asked Francis if he minded if she stayed in his ship for the night, apparently she didn't feel like coping with the captain sleep-talking about pretty fairies and unicorns

Just bloody peachy

----

It was an April morning that Berwald first spotted the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. They were crossing the shallow waters just off the coast of what looked like a god-forsaken island, all ice and snow, one of his friends was worried the ship might get stuck, but the sights were worth it. The landscape flowed flawlessly in front of them, rolling white hills and the occasional dark stone embedded on the shore. The fact that they were pirates did not mean that didn't appreciate beauty

And then he saw him

He was a fisherman, short, thin and frail, reeling on his line with a bit of effort, slim shoulders shaking as he struggled with the fish. And when he pulled it out, droplets of seawater and his platinum blond hair glistened with the sun and Berwald knew he was in love.

And he knew he'd never see him again

But fate would prove him wrong, as later that night the captain declared they were to attack a small coastal village because of the much needed supplies. The Swede's heart leaped, if they attacked he could get killed, and if he didn't he'd surely hate them, and the despair that shot through him at the thought of the beautiful stranger hating them, it was too much to bear

Luckily for him, his captain had been in love once, too. Despite his claims, he still was, but the object of his affection would never return his feelings. Adrian and Hannes had recently found out that they were brothers, after a lot of painful family drama, and Diederik had had the rare but considerate idea that maybe Adrian didn't need more problems, for the time being.

Berwald wasn't good at expressing himself with words, after many years of companionship his crewmates had grown to understand the growls and grunts that were a part of his vocabulary, and that one time, all they needed to understand what he wanted to say was one conflicted glance instead of the usual scary glare. They had, after all, seen the look he had shot the fisherman earlier that day  
"I guess we'll have to postpone the plundering, hmm?" Diederik, the Danish captain snickered and proceeded to tease him  
At least _he_ was safe

They set up a camp near the woods, their ship safely tied to a petrified tree so he wouldn't drift off, they were to buy food and drinkable water from the local market, they'd comply with their piratey duties somewhere else. While Adrian and Diederik went shopping, and Hannes and his pet puffin checked and rechecked their ship to avoid any disasters, Berwald was given the task to guard the camp. And then he saw him, treading though the woods, heading towards that spot on the shore he seemed to favour so much. He looked surprised to see someone else there, but if he was frightened he didn't show it. The next day Berwald worked up the courage to actually talk to him and introduce himself. The blonde, now he knew his name was Tino, was very shy and didn't seem to like talking to him, but he didn't ask him to leave, either, so Berwald stayed. Over the course of the week they grew used to each other's silent company. On the last day of their stay on the island Tino asked him if he would see him again. Berwald didn't know

Two years passed before their paths crossed again. This time they had a guest on board. His name was Arthur Kirkland, he and the captain were drinking buddies and Diederik couldn't devise a more perfect plan to attract the jealousy of the Norwegian. It failed. Between a drunken captain at the wheel and an even more drunk Briton shouting random orders around, it was very logical for them to get lost. They finally arrived to an island in the middle of nowhere, an island Berwald was sure he knew well. It took him a long time to fall asleep, being too deep in thought to be able to relax properly. As his crewmates were busy being ordered around by a very pissed and hung-over captain, Berwald sneaked off in the direction he knew the town was. And sure enough, where the woods cleared and gave way to an expanse of white, a lone figure sat on the shore, fishing.

This time he'd never let go. Tino had missed him too, and he couldn't risk this to be the last goodbye. As they packed their belongings for their departure, later that day, Berwald asked the smaller Finn if he would stay with them.  
He never expected him to say yes

----

The first thing Mattie noticed when he woke up, the day after his abduction, was a man with hair a similar colour to his but much longer

The strands tickled his face as the Frenchman hovered over him

"_Oui, c'est vraiment lui, _for a moment I thought yesterday the darkness had fooled me, but it's really him!" he might have as well weeped in joy

The two standing behind him gave out a sigh in relief

"Gabrielle, be a dear and fetch us some tea", the girl nodded and went on her way

"So, the crew?"

The Frenchman smiled his trademark smile that said _I know something you don't_

"Francis, my crew!"

"Well, you see, your brother came by yesterday and I couldn't say no to the pointy edge of his sword"

A Spaniard and a very cranky Italian had to separate the Briton from the Frenchman before the former broke the latter's neck

So much for sibling rivalry

And to top it all his back hurt from sleeping in that godforsaken little rowboat

----

As for Tino, he was getting used quickly to the life aboard their ship

Bringing him on board had been a rather impromptu decision, and while they were very happy to have someone who could actually cook, it had been at difficult to decide on the sleeping arrangements. The Finn was Berwald's friend, but Berwald's room was only equipped with one very narrow bed. Adrian and Hannes slept in a bunk-bed, they could very well share one of the beds and offer Tino the other bed. Then Diederik reminded his crew that his bed was large enough for two, but the glares he received shut him up almost instantly. They settled down with letting Tino take Berwald's bed and Berward himself chose to sleep on the floor

Their first night had been sort of awkward, Tino tried to sleep with his back to the other man, feeling the uncomfortable sensation of being watched intently. Berwald couldn't help but to stare at his friend because he looked so cute while he slept, but he smaller blond took it the wrong way and would have nightmares about evil Swedes with ice blue eyes chasing him.

But Berwald wasn't that bad, he decided, he had, in fact, let him sleep on his bed and offered him his food and when he was asleep he didn't look half as scary

He could get used to this

The next time they landed on an island they hurried to get gunpowder and supplies

Tino couldn't help but to notice the strange interaction between the brothers, Berwald would later explain that he and the Norwegian had known each other as orphans, and that Adrian didn't know he had a brother until much later. By that time, Adrian and Hannes had been very close to dating, but a very panicked Diederik and his bookworm friend Arthur found their birth records that listed them under the same last name. The Dane is convinced Adrian has hated him ever since, blaming him for the love that will never be. Berwald thinks Diederik is just being paranoid, that Adrian does not hate him, he simply wants to be alone sometimes, difficult ever since the Dane began his unlikely courtship. In any way, what Tino saw as a strange interaction between the brothers was, Berwald explained in his grunt dialect, a mixture of remorse and shame.

When Berwald returned to the ship he was carrying several wood planks and a white fluffy thing was following him

A present for his wife, he grunted

Tino named the dog Hanatamago

----

Tino had had a friend, long ago

His name was Ivan

He came from far away and would tell him stories of lands covered in sunflowers

They were neighbours and grew close over the few months they spent together

But the more he knew Ivan the more he wanted to get away from him

The older boy would hurt people without even realizing it, or maybe he did notice but didn't care

It scared Tino

But one day he and his family left

And that's the last thing he knew

----

Ivan had had a sister, once

She was twenty-five years old when she died

He swore to get revenge

Once, long ago, there had been a single mother of little income that somehow managed to arrange a marriage between her only daughter and the son of a well-off musician.

But the daughter ran away

And the son followed her

And they got involved with a group of sailors who were more than sailors

Then they were all hanged for piracy

Five figures stood among the graves

This could not be called a graveyard, no, it was more like a burial ground for those who had died defying the law and didn't deserve a proper funeral

The land was barren, muddy, dirty, the tombstones were two pieces of wood nailed together to resemble a cross

The shallow graves had been dug open, three of the figures were leaning their weight on their shovels, shaking, whether from fright of effort of a mixture of both they weren't sure

The tallest figure of all was grinning childishly, he hadn't been this excited in a long time. He took a leather bound pouch from one of this many pockets and sprinkled a very fine powder into the empty graves

"Rise, rise my friends, da?"

"Brother, brother, will this work?"

The smaller blonde tried latching onto the other's waist, he avoided her

"It'd better" the tone of voice was completely detached from the huge smile on his face

He made his way to the furthermost grave, kneeling next to the remains

His hand upon the fine bones of the skeleton's hand  
Natalia knew better than to interrupt him, she settled for bullying the smaller of the shaking brothers into getting the candles ready for the ritual

"I've missed you... it's been too long, Yekaterina"

He sprinkled some of the powder onto her forehead, as well

He then quickly turned to the other four, pulling the only brunette in the group to his feet, from where he had been kneeling next to a nearby tomb

His arm slid around the other's waist, ignoring the glare the younger girl sent his way

"Tonight, my friends, tonight we will get our revenge"

* * *

translationtime!

Allez, vite= Go, fast

C'est pas mon Matthieu, je veux mon Matthieu= It's not my Matthew, I want my Matthew

As for the human names, so far Seychelles is Gabrielle, Iceland is Hannes, Norway is Adrian, and Denmark is Dieredik (shamelessly stolen from a kinkfill)

I'd just like to mention that as a part of a plan to stop my usual sporadic 300 word long updates I'm publishing snippets in my lj and then putting them together to update here. So far I have the first part of chapter 2 written, *and there's also a minidrawing of the last scene shameless advertisement cough*

please do tell me if you find me contradicting myself

Review and make me happy? : )

-vi


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